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The Season Premiere Is Tonight! 5 Questions We Want Answered In Jersey Shore‘s Last Season

The season premiere of Jersey Shore is tonight at 10/9pm Central, ya’ll! It’s been six seasons and three years in the making but it’s almost time to bid Snooki and the gang adieu. Luckily we have the next couple months to get a truly satisfying conclusion, because we have quite a few burning questions we’d like the last season of JS to answer. Ew…what? No, no, we said burning questions. Come on, people! It’s not like we’ve been using the smush room.

  1. Will Ronnie and Sammi end up together? Three years into their relationship, we never actually know if Ron and Sam are actually dating. Last we checked they were smooching out, but it seems like at any moment we might learn they’ve been single for four months. Snooki’s engaged, JWoww is engaged…are these two going for it or what?
  2. What is The Situation like sober? The last season of Jersey Shore might be the first season that has us spending a significant amount of time with a sober Mike. According to his interview on Ellen yesterday, the Sitch is allegedly eight months sober. Will he be a completely different human being and roommate? We can’t imagine he’d be more likely to let JWoww’s dogs poop all over the house…
  3. Can Deena pick up Snooki’s wastey pants mantle? The pressure is on, girl! With Snooki out of the game with a bun in the oven, Deena is the shore house’s resident party person. The fact she was cited for a “failure to use the sidewalk” during filming is promising, but how far can the Jersey Turnpike take her?
  4. So…does Snooki give birth on camera? Or at least go into labor on camera? Are they going to use baby Lorenzo as a coda to the series at all, or save his little baby star power for the second season of Snooki JWoww? They’re probably going to do the latter, aren’t they? Man, they just keep reeling us back in!
  5. Where is the drama going to come from? Snooki and Jionni are happy. Ron and Sam are at peace. The Situation is sipping exclusively on Gatorade. Everyone else seems to be relatively content with their lives/millions upon millions of dollars. If no one is going to fight and/or break into hysterical tears…where will the drama come from? At this rate, we’re going to need all of Pauly D‘s one-night stands to be over-the-top characters just to keep the show moving along! Actually…yeah, we’d be more than okay with that.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

JWoww’s Boyfriend Proposes During Skydiving; Our Little Jersey Shore Cast Is All Grown Up

*Tear* They grow up so fast. The final season of Jersey Shore is almost upon us, and look at how far these crazy kids have come. The Situation went to rehab and got himself all cleaned up, Snooki’s a proud mother to baby Lorenzo, and now JWoww is about to become a married woman! Her longtime boyfriend, Roger Mathews, has proposed! Someone cue “Sunrise Sunset,” we’re getting a little choked up. At least until we heard how the dude proposed to the guidette. That cheered us back up a bit. Apparently he did it while skydiving!

Jwoww, better known as Jenni Farely outside the JS compound, spilled all the deets to In Touch. The two were going on just your ordinary skydiving session (is there such a thing?) when her boyfriend of two and a half years kicked things up a notch as they plummeted to Earth. “I look over and see a hand-written sign: ‘Jenni, will you … ‘ and then I turned to him and freaked out,” she gushed. ”The whole time I’m screaming, ‘What are you doing? What’s going on?’ He’s like, ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Will you allow me to?’” Spoiler alert: She said yes! “If I had to imagine a perfect guy, it would be him,” she says.

The reality starlet also graced the cover of the magazine, donning a killer cream colored wedding dress and showing off her HUGE rock. ”It’s more than I ever expected,” Jenni admitted about the cushion cut diamond. “Roger’s not an average-looking guy, he’s huge: his personality, his size (*editorial: she means “height,” we imagine*). So I always said, ‘I want my ring like you — big! The bigger the better!’” Size does matter, at least when rings are concerned. Congrats to the happy couple!

[Photo: Getty Images]

You Should Probably Be Sitting Down When We Tell You How Much The Jersey Shore Cast Makes

Jersey Shore Salaries

We’ve hyperventilated before about the massive amount of cash the Jersey Shore cast earns for eating pickles and falling out of their platforms, so we’ll spare you our hysterics. Just know that we are literally eating ramen while we writing the words: “several Jersey Shore cast members earn $2.55 million dollars a season.” According to RadarOnline, that is. Interested to know the alleged breakdown of each cast member’s salary? Do you screen your phone calls because Sallie Mae is after you about your unpaid student loans? The answer to both of these queries, we’re assuming, is yes:

  • Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D: As denoted by the fact they all have nicknames, this trifecta are the top Jersey dogs, reportedly pull in $150,000 per episode, not counting the $400,000 signing bonus they allegedly raked in at the beginning of the show’s most recent season, a $200,000 end-of-season bonus and any additional reunion episodes. With 12 episodes a season….carry the one and…yup, we were fools to go to grad school. A Master’s in Fine Arts?!?! What were we thinking?
  • JWoww Vinny: Jennie pulls in $100,000 an ep, while Vinny gets $90,000. If you calculated out their hour wage, you’d realize they basically earn $10,000 every time they fall asleep in a tanning bed.
  • Ronnie Sammi: The pair allegedly earn $80,000 an episode each, which should just about cover all the emotional anguish and property damage they did to each other in season three. Think of all the new pairs of glasses you can buy, Sammi! So, so many!
  • Deena: While viewers across the globe might sincerely like the boobs, as of now the newest JS cast member is only making $40,000 an episode. According to a RadarOnline source, however, “With all the drama that Deena has been bringing to the show, including kissing a girl and even getting arrested, her salary is definitely going up thanks to that.” Oh man, but how will she up the ante on that? Girl is going to be hurling trashcans through the front window of the t-shirt shop before you know it. Or just hurling.

[Photo: Splash News Online]